Number 1: Loose-head Prop
H. Sewell

Takes the Number 1 jersey as he was our first premier (actually a colonial secretary). A principled man, he opposed using force against Māori, promoted Māori self-government, and resigned from government over land confiscation policies. The first politician with the title Prime Minister was Hall-Jones (1906) so if you get asked “Who was NZ first Prime Minister?” in a pub quiz, you could either challenge the answer they give or thank us that you got it right.

Caps - 3 weeks, 1856.

Number 2: Hooker
W. Nash

A solid Number 2 but a flawed leader, he had a reputation for indecision. As Number 2 he served well as Finance Minister to Savage (see Number 11: Left Wing) and Fraser (see Number 10: First Five) and helped create Labour’s social welfare system. He came into the Prime ministerial team when he was 76 and was still an MP when he died at 86. His ‘Black Budget’ taxed cigarettes, petrol and beer. People were not happy.

Caps – 3 years (1957-60)

Number 3: Tight-Head Prop
J. Vogel

A heavyweight of NZ politics both literally and metaphorically and so comes in to anchor the scrum. He was the infrastructure man - borrowing heavily to build railways, ports and communications. He wanted to attract immigrants and so sped up the Crown acquisition of Māori land. Unrelated to his position on the field, he wrote a futuristic novel in which women were in charge of everything hence predicting the years 2001 to 2006 when all the top political positions in New Zealand were held by women. No relation to the bread.

Caps – 4 years (1873-5 and 1876)

Number 4: Lock
G. Coates

Lock is a hard position to select as there isn’t much of a connection between the position and politics – therefore we’ve simply gone with height. Coates was described as ‘tall, dark and handsome.’ A war hero and mates with Sir Āpirana Ngata, Coates was known to drop by  construction sites for a beer with the boys. As Land Minister he was active in dealing with land claims and investigating land confiscation.

Caps - 3 years (1925-1928)

Number 5: Lock
G. Palmer

Another tall politician and a great complement to the laddish Coates, Palmer was briefly PM after he received a hospital pass from Lange (Number 14: Right Wing). Hard working, academic and intellectual, he once described NZ as ‘irredeemably pluvial’ i.e. rainy. A lawyer by trade, Palmer set up the royal commission that recommended adoption of the Mixed Member Proportional (MMP) voting system, passed the Constitution Act (1986) and did major work drafting the Bill of Rights Act 1990.

Caps – 1 year (1989-1990). Subbed by M. Moore weeks before an election.

Number 6: Blindside Flanker
W. Fox

A player with longevity, he lead the government four or five times, depending on how you choose to count things, between the 1850’s and 1870’s. He was your ideal loosie, more adept at tackling governments, stopping any initiatives, and preventing players getting over the gain line than at actually governing. Would have made a good modern Republican. He was impressive in opposition but had few ideas about where to lead the country. His subordinates like Vogel (see Number 3: Tight-head Prop) therefore tended to take lead.

Caps – off and on between 1856 and 1873

Number 7: Openside Flanker
W. Massey

New Zealand’s second-longest serving leader. He was criticised for using his ‘Massey’s Cossacks’ to crush the 1913 strikers, supported the British Empire and believed in the superiority of the British ‘race’. However, he also kept most of the Liberals’ reforms, cleaned up the public service, increased home ownership rates and spent more on education. Seems to have been all over the political paddock. He signed the Treaty of Versailles in 1919 (and we all know how that ended!).

Caps – 13 years (1912-1925)

Number 8
R. Seddon (Captain)

Our longest serving PM and with the nickname, ‘King Dick’, doesn’t leave much choice in terms of the captaincy. Learning his trade in the hurly-burly of West Coast politics, he won 5 consecutive elections providing much needed ‘go forward’ ball. He entrenched Liberal reforms and passed the Old-age Pensions Act against strenuous opposition. Although he claimed to be an advocate of votes for women, he actually opposed this reform. Deserves a yellow card for that.

Caps – 13 years (1893-1906)

Number 9: Half Back
E. Stafford

Politically agile and savvy, Stafford bided his time, waiting for turnover ball and became premier after Sewell, who stayed in office for 1 month, and Fox, who made it a mere 13 days. He was able to manoeuvre through the confusion, personalities, interest and cabals of Parliamentary rucks and mauls. He was always in the thick of politics holding at one time the offices of colonial-secretary, treasurer and postmaster-general. He initiated the four Māori seats (established in 1867) although he wanted seven. Probably one of our more effective political leaders.

Caps – 9 years (1856-61; 65-69; 1872)

Number 10: First Five
P. Fraser

Everything you want in your Number 10 - the lynchpin of the team. Fraser was skilful, at his best under pressure, able to make extraordinarily acute and penetrating judgements, he read the game well and his political intuition was unerring. He was Prime Minister during the war, facing enormous responsibilities and coping with impossible situations. Helped gang tackle Hitler. Largely regarded as New Zealand’s finest PM.

Caps – 9 years (1940-1949)

Number 11: Left Wing
M.J. Savage

He spent his early years doing manly, labouring jobs like mining, digging ditches and as a brewery cellarman which meant he was a strong wing in the mould of Lomu. His was a diluted socialism which was implemented as a comprehensive social welfare system when Labour won power in 1935 and again in 1938. Easily the most popular PM New Zealand has had.

Caps – 5 years (1935-1940)

Number 12: Inside-Centre
H. Clark

Clark denounced the neo-liberalism of previous Labour Government but, it has been argued, she didn’t move far enough away from this legacy. Increasingly Labour and National became hard to tell apart on many issues. A solid mid-fielder, Clark was pragmatic, concerned with stability, and focused on incremental advances over the gain line rather than breaking it - good management of the status quo, but no bold ambitions. She called John Campbell a ‘sanctimonious little creep’ which is worthy of note despite it being irrelevant to her selection as inside-centre.

Caps – 9 years (1999-2008)

Number 13: Outside-Centre
J. Bolger

He pursued privatisation, labour market deregulation welfare cuts, tax reductions and the Mother of All Budgets. Initially considered by the selectors for the right wing, more recently he has lamented inequality, said neo-liberalism has failed and suggested unions should be stronger. He says Treaty of Waitangi settlements may not be full and final and that Māori language should be compulsory in primary schools. A combination of seemingly conflicting stands which make him hard to position except perhaps as outside-centre.

Caps – 7 years (1990-1997)